August 05,2026
Wednesday
I am going to meet with J about volunteering with the kids at church. We are meeting at 5:00 this evening. Then there is a church meal upstairs and then a church service. I like Wednesday night church better than Sunday. It is more informal. I don't know what will happen with this. I am hoping that this will be a good experience. I love working with kids.
Friday I am going to a couple's house to sit with his wife while he goes to work. She has Parkison's disease. I have never done that before. Well, that's not true. A long time ago when I was getting my bachelor's degree, I had to do a practicum where I was a hospice volunteer. I would sit with hospice patients in their homes and also in nursing homes. It has been a while. I hope I do a good job and she likes me. I do have a medical background, but I am not a nurse or a home health caregiver.
This is not a full-time job. I am still looking for full-time work. I am praying. Sometimes I get really discouraged but I know that God is working in my life and that he will open doors for me. I am very impatient though. I am trying not to be. But on Saturday it will be 4 months since I started looking.
The other day I broke my 3 and a half month Facebook absence and posted. I posted a storm cloud I had taken a pic of.
I was afraid when I posted that he would click like or comment. I was also afraid that he wouldn't.
Well, he didn't. I feel sad. Even though I know that he isn't good for me. I just can't accept it. I still want to fight for us. I still do not want to give up. I just know that we could make it.
Deep down inside me I was hoping that he was still checking up on me.
He still likes his ex-wife's posts. He still talks to her and sees her all the time.
He still likes his ex-fiancés posts when she posts stuff.
So, he has two ex-fiancés. Until the whole shooting incident, he was still talking to his first ex-fiancé and seeing her once a week. He can't like her posts now because she has a 50-year restraining order against him. But, if she didn't, I am sure he would still be in contact with her. He is still friends with his ex from before he got married.
So why not me?
When we broke up and he was engaged to Tammy, he blocked me for her. But when she dumped him, and we got back together, he refused to block her for me. I know it's petty. However, my feelings aren't petty. My feelings are important and that made me feel like I was not as good as all of his other exes.
Why am I not good enough to be friends?
Why do I care? I sound like a whiny baby.
Get over it already!
He is addicted to porn.
He paid for sex with prostitutes.
He paid for sex with massage girls.
He exposed himself on the street to innocent women without their consent.
At least that is what he told me in the confession letter that he wrote to me when he was in jail.
That is the only proof I have. And I still have that letter. I am the only ones who knows.
Why did he tell me? Is it true? Or did he make it up as a test to see if I would stay with him?
His family does not know. His exes do not know. Including his ex-wife.
His counselor does not know.
This is a man where the most important thing to him is his image.
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